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For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me.
  ~Xander, The Witch

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There are 146 quotes housed in this category.


Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I walk. I talk. I shop. I sneeze. I'm gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back. There's trees in the desert since you moved out. And I don't sleep on a bed of bones. Now give me back my friends.
  ~Buffy, Restless

Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are.
  ~Whistler, Becoming Part 1

The first day of kindergarten, you cried because you broke the yellow crayon, and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far, ending the world - not a terrific notion. But the thing is, yeah, I love you. I love crayon-breaky Willow, and I love scary-veiny Willow. So if I'm going out, it's here. If you want to kill the world... well, then, start with me. I've earned that.
  ~Xander, Grave

I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eató or enjoy warm, delicious cookie me, then... that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done.
  ~Buffy, Chosen

Looks like the hellmouth is officially closed for business.
  ~Faith, Chosen

In my plan, we are beltless.
  ~Andrew, Storyteller

Where the hell have you been? This funnel cake is kicking my ass.
  ~Andrew, Get it Done

Buffy, fight it. You're too good to give in, you can beat this thing. Be strong, baby, ok? I know you're afraid. I know the world feels like a hard place sometimes, but you've got people who love you. Your dad and I, we have all the faith in the world in you. We'll always be with you. You've got... a world of strength in your heart. I know you do. You just have to find it again. Believe in yourself.
  ~Joyce, Normal Again

Dawn, listen to me. Listen. I love you. I will always love you. But this is the work that I have to do. Tell Giles... tell Giles I figured it out. And, and I'm okay. And give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world... is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me.
  ~Buffy, The Gift

See... I've had a lot of people talking at me the last few days. Everyone just lining up to tell me how unimportant I am. And I've finally figured out why. Power. I have it. They don't. This bothers them.
  ~Buffy, Checkpoint

You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!
  ~Xander, Buffy vs. Dracula

Wheel never stops turning, Buffy. You're up, you're down... it doesn't change what you are. And you are a hell of a woman.
  ~Riley, As You Were

And remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun!
  ~Willow, The Initiative

You think you know... what's to come... what you are. You haven't even begun.
  ~Tara, Restless

What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex! Help! 4 times 5 is 30. 5 times 6 is 32. Naked girls! Naked woman! Naked Buffy! Oh, stop me!
  ~Xander, Earshot

You know what? I was wrong. You are an idiot. My life happens, on occasion, to suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle. Oh, it's not just mine. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they are dealing with their own. The beautiful ones. The popular ones. The guys that pick on you. Everyone. If you could hear what they are feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It's not. It's deafening.
  ~Buffy, Earshot

One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which.
  ~Xander, The Prom

I wasn't scared, I was in the spirit.
  ~Xander, Fear, Itself

If we close our eyes and say it's a dream it'll stab us to death! These things are real.
  ~Xander, Fear, Itself

Giles? Everyone, it's Giles! With a chainsaw.
  ~Xander, Fear, Itself

Buffy, this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you can't let it control you. 'Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger.' No wait, hold on. 'Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side.' Hold on, no, umm, 'First you get the wimmin, then you get the money, then you...' okay, can we forget that?
  ~Xander, The Freshman

Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do.
  ~Buffy, Amends

Timothy Dalton should get an Oscar and beat Sean Connery over the head with it!
  ~Andrew, Life Serial

If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
  ~Buffy, Never Kill a Boy on the First Date

Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz.
  ~Willow, Halloween

World is what it is. We fight. We die. Wishing doesn't change that.
  ~Buffy, The Wish

No. Yes. It's always sudden.
  ~Tara, The Body

To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's, it's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it.
  ~Giles, I Only Have Eyes For You

I gotta say something 'cause I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do... the way you think... the way you move... I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life - like a man. I just thought you might wanna know.
  ~Xander, Into the Woods

I sacrificed Angel to save the world. I loved him so much. But I knew... what was right. I don't have that any more. I don't understand. I don't know how to live in this world if these are the choices. If everything just gets stripped away. I don't see the point. I just wish that... I just wish my mom was here.
  ~Buffy, The Gift

Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp. That look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. Every Slayer... has a death wish. Even you.
  ~Spike, Fool for Love

Sometimes when I'm sitting in class... You know, I'm not thinking about class, 'cause that would never happen. I think about kissing you. And it's like everything stops. It's like, it's like freeze frame. Willow kissage.
  ~Oz, Innocence

The earth is definitely doomed.
  ~Giles, Chosen

I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.
  ~Spike, Touched

I know why they grab at each other. To feel. I want to feel. I want to wrap my hands around an innocent neck and feel it crack.
  ~The First, Touched

How many times have you been knocked out, anyway? I swear, one of these times, you're gonna wake up in a coma.
  ~Cordelia, Gingerbread

Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.
Mine is much more advanced.
  ~Buffy and Xander, The Wish

We saved the world. I say we party!
  ~Buffy, Prophecy Girl

I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.
  ~Buffy, Prophecy Girl

Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die.
  ~Buffy, Prophecy Girl

That's okay. I don't wanna go. I'm just gonna go home, lie down and listen to country music. The music of pain.
  ~Xander, Prophecy Girl

So, Giles! Got anything that can make this day any worse?
How about the end of the world?
Knew I could count on you.
  ~Buffy and Giles, The Harvest

You've done some beheading in your time?
Oh, yeah. There was this time I was pinned down by this guy that played left tackle for varsity... Well, at least he used to before he was a vampire... Anyway, he had this really, really thick neck, and all I had was a little, little Exact-O knife... You're not loving this story.
No, actually, I find it oddly comforting.
  ~Xander and Buffy, The Harvest

This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, 'Uh-oh, pop quiz.' Today it's 'Rain of Toads'.
  ~Xander, The Harvest

I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good.
  ~Xander, The Harvest

Oh, come on! This is Sunnydale! How bad an evil can there be here?
  ~Buffy, Welcome to the Hellmouth

Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty, or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
  ~Willow, Welcome to the Hellmouth

Yeah! You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!
  ~Willow, The Witch

Oh, huh, I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.
  ~Xander, The Witch

For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me.
  ~Xander, The Witch

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