in my lifethe long and winding roadacross the universewith a little help from my friendsi am the walrushere comes the suncome togetherhello goodbyehome sweet home


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Margaret: Can I - can I just say something for the future?
Leo: Yeah.
Margaret: I can sign the President's name. I have his signature down pretty good.
Leo: You can sign the President's name?
Margaret: Yeah.
Leo: On a document removing him from power and handing it to someone else.
Margaret: Yeah! Or... do you think the White House Counsel would say that was a bad idea?
Leo: I think the White House Counsel would say it was a coup d'etat!
Margaret: Well. I'd probably end up doing some time for that.
Leo: I would think. And what the hell were you doing practicing the President's signature?
Margaret: It was just for fun.
  ~Margaret and Leo, The West Wing - In the Shadow of Two Gunmen, Part 2

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Xander

The first day of kindergarten, you cried because you broke the yellow crayon, and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far, ending the world - not a terrific notion. But the thing is, yeah, I love you. I love crayon-breaky Willow, and I love scary-veiny Willow. So if I'm going out, it's here. If you want to kill the world... well, then, start with me. I've earned that.
  ~Xander, Grave

You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!
  ~Xander, Buffy vs. Dracula

What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex! Help! 4 times 5 is 30. 5 times 6 is 32. Naked girls! Naked woman! Naked Buffy! Oh, stop me!
  ~Xander, Earshot

One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which.
  ~Xander, The Prom

I wasn't scared, I was in the spirit.
  ~Xander, Fear, Itself

If we close our eyes and say it's a dream it'll stab us to death! These things are real.
  ~Xander, Fear, Itself

Giles? Everyone, it's Giles! With a chainsaw.
  ~Xander, Fear, Itself

Buffy, this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you can't let it control you. 'Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger.' No wait, hold on. 'Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side.' Hold on, no, umm, 'First you get the wimmin, then you get the money, then you...' okay, can we forget that?
  ~Xander, The Freshman

I gotta say something 'cause I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do... the way you think... the way you move... I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life - like a man. I just thought you might wanna know.
  ~Xander, Into the Woods

That's okay. I don't wanna go. I'm just gonna go home, lie down and listen to country music. The music of pain.
  ~Xander, Prophecy Girl

This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, 'Uh-oh, pop quiz.' Today it's 'Rain of Toads'.
  ~Xander, The Harvest

I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good.
  ~Xander, The Harvest

Oh, huh, I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.
  ~Xander, The Witch

For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me.
  ~Xander, The Witch

It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.
  ~Xander, Teacher's Pet

Whoa, well, let's stop this crazy whirligig of fun! I'm dizzy!
  ~Xander, Angel

To read makes our speaking English good.
  ~Xander, I Robot, You Jane

Okay, next time we split up someone else is on Cordy detail. Five more minutes with her and we woulda had another organ donor.
  ~Xander, The Puppet Show

If they hurt Willow, I'll kill you.
  ~Xander, When She Was Bad

You ever think that the world is a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped and we're the only ones who don't have a chair?
  ~Xander, Some Assembly Required

Ooo, gang, did ya hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia! Mix in a little rectal surgery, and it's my best day ever!
  ~Xander, The Dark Age

But Ho-Hos are a vital part of my cognitive process!
  ~Xander, What's My Line? (Part 1)

I am the bug man, coo coo ka choo.
  ~Xander, What's My Line? (Part 2)

You coulda just said, 'shh!' God, are all you Brits such drama queens?
  ~Xander, Surprise

It's time for me to act like a man. And hide.
  ~Xander, Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

We're doing crime here. You don't sneak up during crime.
  ~Xander, Beauty and the Beasts

Buffy, I've gone through some fairly dark times in my life, faced some scary things, among them the kitchen at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club.' Let me tell you something, when it's dark and I'm all alone and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think, 'What would Buffy do?' You're my hero. Ok, sometimes when it's dark and I'm all alone I think, 'What is Buffy wearing?'
  ~Xander, The Freshman

Whoa, Giles has a TV. Everybody, Giles has a TV. He's shallow like us.
  ~Xander, The Harsh Light of Day

I totally get it now. Can I have sex with Riley too?
  ~Xander, Goodbye Iowa

No, we're not going to 'leave you.' And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street? 'Vun, two, three - three victims. Mwa ha ha!'
  ~Xander, Buffy vs. Dracula

That's insane troll logic.
  ~Xander, Triangle



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