There are 146 quotes housed in this category.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Destructo Girl. That's me.
~Buffy, Teacher's Pet
It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.
~Xander, Teacher's Pet
So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
I mean, how'd the laying go? No, I don't mean that either.
~Xander and Buffy, Never Kill a Boy on the First Date
Alright, I-I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
~Giles and Buffy, Never Kill a Boy on the First Date
Well, in that case I won't wear my button that says, 'I'm a Slayer. Ask me how!'
~Buffy, Never Kill a Boy on the First Date
I have volumes of lore, of prophecies, of predictions. But I don't have an instruction manual. We feel our way as we go along. And, I must say, as a Slayer, you're, you're doing... pretty well.
~Giles, Never Kill a Boy on the First Date
Oh, great. It's the winged monkeys.
~Buffy, The Pack
It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Course, you'll have to kill him.
Giles, I'm serious.
So am I. Except for the part about killing him. Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons. He will, however, get over it.
I cannot believe that you, of all people, are trying to Scully me. There is something supernatural at work here. Get your books! Look stuff up!
~Giles and Buffy, The Pack
Hey! Nobody messes with my Willow.
This is definitely the superior Xander. Accept no substitutes.
~Xander and Buffy, The Pack
I've been reading up on my, uh, animal possession, and I cannot find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards.
Did you tell them that?
Your secret dies with me.
Shoot me, stuff me, mount me.
~Giles and Xander, The Pack
Whoa, well, let's stop this crazy whirligig of fun! I'm dizzy!
Cool! Crossbow! Huh. Check out these babies. Hmm. Goodbye stakes, hello flying fatality. What can I shoot?
I-I know you have feelings for this guy, but it's not like you're in love with him, right? You're in love with a vampire?! What, are you outta your mind?!
Not vampire... How could you love an umpire? Everyone hates 'em!
~Xander and Cordelia, Angel
To read makes our speaking English good.
~Xander, I Robot, You Jane
Okay, next time we split up someone else is on Cordy detail. Five more minutes with her and we woulda had another organ donor.
~Xander, The Puppet Show
When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?
Willow, how can you... I mean, that's really bent! She was... grotesque!
Still dug her, huh?
I'm sick, I need help.
Don't I know it.
~Willow and Xander, Nightmares
It's all part of the glamorous world of vampire slayage.
~Buffy, Out of Mind, Out of Sight
Y'know, I really felt sorry for you. You've suffered. There's one thing I really didn't factor into all this. You're a thundering loony!
~Buffy, Out of Mind, Out of Sight
Well, that works out great. You won't tell anyone that I'm the Slayer, and I won't tell anyone you're a moron.
~Buffy, When She Was Bad
Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now.
~Cordelia, When She Was Bad
That's what it was! I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out.
~Willow, Giles and Xander, When She Was Bad
We were close. We killed each other. It really promotes togetherness.
~Buffy, When She Was Bad
If they hurt Willow, I'll kill you.
~Xander, When She Was Bad
Grave robbing? That's new. Interesting.
I know you meant to say gross and disturbing.
~Giles and Buffy, Some Assembly Required
Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies.
~Buffy, Some Assembly Required
You ever think that the world is a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped and we're the only ones who don't have a chair?
~Xander, Some Assembly Required
Love makes you do the wacky.
~Willow, Some Assembly Required
Oh, please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock... I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flowerperson, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move.
~Spike, School Hard
Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, bity blah, I'm so stuffy, gimme a scone.
~Buffy, Inca Mummy Girl
I hate these guys. Whatever they want just falls into their laps. Don't you hate these guys?
Yeah, with their charmed lives and their movie star good looks and more money than you can count? I'm hating.
~Xander and Willow, Reptile Boy
This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
No. When you kiss me I wanna die.
~Angel and Buffy, Reptile Boy
I'm so the 'Net girl.
~Willow, Lie to Me
Angel was in your bedroom?
Ours is a forbidden love.
~Xander and Willow, Lie to Me
Does it ever get easy?
You mean life?
Yeah. Does it get easy?
What do you want me to say?
Lie to me.
Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
~Buffy and Giles, Lie to Me
Ooo, gang, did ya hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia! Mix in a little rectal surgery, and it's my best day ever!
~Xander, The Dark Age
What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark.
You're not gonna be young forever.
Yes, but I'll always be stupid. Okay, let's not all rush to disagree.
~Xander and Willow, What's My Line? (Part 1)
But Ho-Hos are a vital part of my cognitive process!
~Xander, What's My Line? (Part 1)
I am the bug man, coo coo ka choo.
~Xander, What's My Line? (Part 2)
Vampires are creeps.
Yes, that's why one slays them.
~Buffy and Giles, Ted
You coulda just said, 'shh!' God, are all you Brits such drama queens?
Well, does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?
I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex.
~Cordelia and Xander, Innocence
Great. I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.
I wish dating was like slaying: you know, simple, direct, stake to the heart, no muss, no fuss.
Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating.
Well, you're obviously not dating Cordelia.
~Xander and Buffy, Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered
It's time for me to act like a man. And hide.
~Xander, Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered
I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here.
But you're not a rat. So call it an upside.
~Buffy and Oz, Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered
Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping... waiting... And though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?
It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank... Without passion, we'd be truly dead.
Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.
~Cordelia, Killed by Death
People can be coerced, Summers. I'm no stranger to conspiracy. I saw JFK. I'm a truth seeker. I've got a missing gun and two confused kids on my hands. Pieces of the puzzle. And I'm gonna look at all the pieces carefully and rationally, and I'm gonna keep looking until I know exactly how this is all your fault.
~Principal Snyder, I Only Have Eyes For You
There's moments in your life that make you, that set the course of who you're gonna be. Sometimes they're little, subtle moments. Sometimes... they're not.
~Angelus, Becoming (Part 1)
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